Boatloads of books and movies have been made to answer the question: What do women want? More specifically, what does the woman in your relationship want? And how can you better connect with her?

What Does Your Woman Want? Nancy'S Counseling Corner

Often the question has a sexual inference. What will satisfy women sexually? Even Freud couldn’t answer that. That’s because the answer is complex. But one big component is surely intimacy and a sense of emotional closeness. In fact, intimacy is key to a woman’s happiness.

Good Connection

Sometimes just a little touch of reassurance will do. Hold her hand while you’re walking. Give her shoulder a gentle rub as you pass by. Physical touch is a literal connection, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal. But women are verbal creatures, so touching base through conversation is always a good idea. If you haven’t seen her for a while, say, after a long day at work, she will want to establish closeness with you. You may be too beat to respond to her needs right away. If so, simply say, “I want to talk to you. I just need a few minutes to decompress and then I want to hear all about your day.”

Good Listening

Sometimes women—and men, for that matter—just need to vent. They don’t need you to offer advice. They don’t need you to mansplain their situation. They don’t need you to fix anything. They just need you to listen. And listen to them with all your attention. Don’t formulate an answer to them while they’re talking. Wait. Hear them out. Then respond. You might give them some feedback, like, “It sounds like you’re frustrated. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way.”

Good Support

Most women I know are more than willing to do their share of the work and then some. If your partner is working outside the home, chances are she does a fair amount of work inside the home, too. If you are finding her tired and out of sorts more often than you’d like, check in with her. Ask her what you can do to lighten her load. Ask her what you can do to help her reach her goals. Ask her how you can help remove impediments to help her achieve what she wants.

Good Communication

Women and men communicate differently—and viva la difference. So keep on trying. Employ good listening skills and make an effort to connect via conversation. Try to understand her point of view. Walk in her moccasins. Be empathetic. Make an effort to form an intimate bond. When you do, your efforts will be rewarded.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: