We’ve all experienced it: the guy who doesn’t call when he says he will, or the guy who says he’s too busy to see us. Instead of making excuses for him, we need to embrace a paradigm shift and realize that he’s just not into us. The #1 New York Times Bestseller, He’s Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, spawned from that same phrase frequently used in Sex and the City (Greg Behrendt was a writer on that hit series), hammers the point over and over again that guys make up lame excuses not to call women because they don’t want to hurt their feelings. To paraphrase the book, guys would rather have their arm ripped out by a bus’s window than tell a woman that he’s not attracted to her.

Behrendt and Tuccillo emphasize that women need to stop chasing men, and let men do the chasing. They remind their readers that most of the time the guy won’t call if the girl has made it easy on them, which includes her asking him out, or her doing all of the calling for dates. This makes sense: if a guy really wants to find a girl after he’s lost track of her at a party, he’ll find her last name and start calling every one before he reaches her. If he really does like her, he will call her even when he’s busy or out of town or when his parents are visiting. The authors state again and again that it’s up to women to recognize the signs that the guy isn’t that interested and move on since the guy will never tell them the truth.

Here are the official signs if a guy is not into you when you first meet


  • doesn’t call when he says he will
  • tells you he’s busy
  • suggests you meet up at a party, a bar or a friend’s house, rather than take you himself
  • tells you if he goes out with you, it’ll ?ruin the friendship?
  • wants you to call him

Here are the official signs if a guy is not into you when you both start dating


  • doesn’t initiate sex
  • says he doesn’t want to get hurt again
  • he would rather cuddle than have sex
  • leaves you as soon as you have sex

And he’s also not into you if he cheats on you or breaks up with you, yet still wants to sleep with you. These are signs that it’s time to move on and reclaim your life! Women need to tell themselves that they are worthy of a man who wants to place his full attention on them and not settle for someone who will only hang out with them if they keep asking. Knowing that a guy is not into you is power and with that power you will be free to find the person who wants to be with you.

Nancy Travers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She specializes in all types of relationships; We all want them, We all need them; How to get em and Keep them. Nancy’s office is located at 1600 Dove Street, Suite 260, Newport Beach, CA 92660.

For more information or to make an appointment, call 949-510- 9423 or contact us.
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As seen in The Blade magazine June 2005.