Stop Picking the Wrong Partner

by | May 9, 2018

Bad boys aren’t good. So why do you keep ending up with them when you know somewhere in your secret heart of hearts, bad boys are bad for you. Yet somehow you keep sending out that signal that you want a relationship with someone who is absolutely wrong. Someone who will come along and salve you ego in the short-term to get you on the hook, and then emotionally and possibly physically mistreat you. It’s time to make a serious change in your life.

Stop Picking The Wrong Partner Nancy'S Counseling Corner

Realize you can break the cycle. You’ve established a pattern and it’s hard to break any habit. But when you suffer through enough bad relationships, you will get to a point where you don’t want to go through it again. You can take control of your life. And you can have a good, positive relationship. You have to decide to make a change, and be ready when a bad boy tries to lure you. Be strong. Say no. Work on building your own self-confidence instead of letting someone else try to fill that need.

Shore up your self-esteem. If you’re feeling bad about yourself, bad boys can sense it. They know you don’t feel worthy of a really quality relationship with a good man. They can sense you have self-esteem issues and they know how to manipulate you to make you feel temporarily good. What you need to do is make yourself feel permanently good. Get to the root of your lack of confidence and then learn to build it. This can take long and hard work, but it’s worth it. Aren’t you exhausted to even think about another relationship with a guy who doesn’t treat you well?

Put yourself in a relationship-free zone. Don’t worry, it’s only temporary. You do deserve to have a good relationship eventually, but first have a good relationship with yourself. Take some time off from dating in general. Do not give-in to last minute dates no matter how enticing. Concentrate on yourself. How are you feeling without having someone else to worry about? At first you may be lonely, but stick it out for a few weeks or months. Pretty soon you may discover that it’s kind of nice being a strong, independent woman. That you don’t need a man to define you. That you’re fine on your own. And when you’re feeling strong and stable, that’s when you’re ready for a relationship.

Decide to make good choices. When you spend all that time on your own, you can reflect on what you want out of life. Think about what values are important to you—like honesty, hard work, loyalty, trustworthiness. Imagine how nice life would be a man who shared your ideals. When you meet a man who has a blatant disregard for your values, drop him. That doesn’t mean you can’t date someone who isn’t in perfect alignment with your life’s goals. Just steer clear of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. It’s damaging to your self-esteem and your dignity. And no man is worth that.


Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here:



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