by Nancy Travers,LCSW
Many people feel that the first sign of a deteriorating relationship is a loss of passion and sexual energy. As a relationship matures, a couple may find that they do not have the same sexual energy as they did throughout their honeymoon phase of the relationship. However, dwindling passion does not mean that a relationship is over. Instead of calling it quits or seeking satisfaction outside of the relationship, couples should work to restore the passion in their relationship and renew their sexual energy.
While couples should be aware of the problems facing the relationship, from each partner’s perspective, there are several steps that a person can take to better themselves and renew their own sexual energy. Often, once one couple feels more satisfied with their situation and self, they are able to work to better the relationship. These six simple steps can help couples rekindle their old passion!
- Appreciate your partner: In the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to appreciate everything that your partner does. Each meal is special, and you are thrilled to get a phone call or a text message in the middle of the day. However, as time goes on, we become complacent and begin to expect all of the little things that were once romantic. When your partner cooks, he or she does it because it is their chore. The phone call that was once a random romantic gesture is now expected to come like clockwork. Instead of waiting for your partner to do what you have come to expect, go out of your way to show that you appreciate them! Volunteer to stop at the store for your partner, try your hand at making dinner, or make the first move in your daily communication.
- Change your attitude: It can be hard to maintain passion in a relationship if you are always unhappy and disagreeable. Constant bickering often leads to a loss of romance and passion, which can take a toll on your sexual energy. Instead of continuing with your current attitude, try to adjust the way you think about your situation and how you react to your partner. If you are unhappy with the state of your home, take charge and make changes yourself instead of waiting for your partner to act on your desires. If you enter an argument with your partner, remember to fight fairly and focus on one problem at a time. Try to work with your partner to create a better environment for the two of you; find elements of your home life and relationship that you can compromise on and improve.
- Renew Your Relationship: Often we lose our drive and passion as the relationship matures past the honeymoon stage. If you find yourself getting bogged down by current relationship problems, or feel like you are in a rut and bored with the routine, look to a time when you were more carefree and excited to be with your partner. Go on a date and try to rekindle some of the old romance. Try one of your old hang outs and pretend like you are still a new couple, or go to a more grown up spot and take advantage of a romantic atmosphere with low lights and soft music. Take the time to genuinely enjoy being with your partner without worrying about getting home and back to responsibilities.
- Take Care of Yourself: Many people, especially women, feel their sexual energy fade as they become less satisfied with their appearance. Are you unhappy with those few pounds you’ve gain recently? Has stress ravaged your skin? Did your first grey hair appear? Have you noticed that you aren’t taken time to dress with care these days? You have control of all of these aspects of your life! Instead of letting your appearance go, put in the effort to make yourself look and feel better. Whether it’s going to the gym or getting a new haircut, try something that makes you feel your best. Not only will you see the difference, but your partner will also appreciate the effort.
- Share a Fantasy: Passion is easily swept away by long standing routine. Many people have an idea of what they might like to try in the bedroom; often people keep these ideas to themselves. Whether you and your partner have been together for 5 days or 5 years, you cannot expect him or her to read your mind. You need to communicate what you want or need without fear that your partner is judging you; it may help if you and your partner each agree to share one fantasy. Verbalizing your desires can help renew not only your sexual energy, but also your partner’s passion.
- Try something new: Talking about your fantasies will not help you out of your passion rut unless you act on them. If your sexual energy could still use a boast, act on your fantasies! Integrating new ideas into any aspect of your life will help you feel more in control and excited with your life. Being adventurous and trying new acts in the bedroom can help you and your partner reconnect, rekindle some of your old romance, and infuse your love life with renewed energy!
Nancy Travers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She specializes in all types of relationships; We all want them, We all need them; How to get em and Keep them. Nancy’s office is located at 1600 Dove Street, Suite 260, Newport Beach, CA 92660.
For more information or to make an appointment, call 949-510- 9423 or contact us.
copyright a division of Counseling Corner, Inc.
As seen in The Blade magazine June 2005.