There\’s a great scene in a Woody Allen movie where a couple is seeing a counselor. Simultaneously the male complains that the couple never has sex while the female complains they have constant sex. The reason the scene is funny is because it contains a bit of truth to it. Few couples are perfectly in sync when it comes to libido.

That imbalance of sexual drive may exacerbate the problem and cause even greater periods of sexual inactivity. How?

Masturbation and Pornography

To compensate for a partner with a lower sex drive, the partner with a higher sex drive may turn to masturbation and/or pornography. Sometimes masturbation is just plain easier than cajoling your partner to take part in something he or she isn\’t that keen about to begin with. Sometimes masturbation provides welcome relief for pent up sexual needs. But if you overdo it, there may be little left for your partner when sex does become possible. When you add pornography to masturbation, you may be seeing some unrealistic sex and come to expect something more exotic than your partner wishes to partake in. It\’s also possible that pornography can become a habit that gets in the way of a good relationship with your partner.

Sexual Dysfunction

Usually, sexual dysfunction refers to a lack of erection and difficulty maintaining an erection for men or a lack of orgasm for women. These problems are so common that some people hate to label them as dysfunctional. They are simply a part of your sexual life that should be attended to, and can often be helped with medication or lubrication products. If they are not easily remedied, then it\’s important to see a professional. Because problems with erections and orgasms will surely impact your sexual relationship negatively, and can lead to less and less desire for sex. Counseling can help.


If partners lose regard for themselves enough to fail to take care of themselves, it can hamper a good sexual relationship. The most common problem is putting on weight to the point that the other partner finds them less desirable. Or maybe a partner is not motivated to take care of their personal hygiene as well as they once did. They let themselves go and no longer find it necessary to go that extra mile to attract their partner. Whatever the issue, it is very tricky to correct and must be done with the utmost tact and loving kindness. No one likes to address such problems, but it\’s essential because it is inhibiting what could be a perfectly good sexual relationship.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional.  If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch.  You can reach her here: