It’s always a good idea to communicate in a relationship, and communicating about sex is no exception. But when you hear so many negatives about sexting, it can give you pause. You don’t want to send the wrong idea, and when you’re not talking about this sensitive subject in person, it’s easy for your partner to misconstrue your message. After all, there’s no tone of voice or body language to help convey your meaning when you sext.

All that said, sexting can be an important part of your intimate dialogue with your partner. When you both have busy lives, sexting can keep you in touch when you can’t be face-to-face. When sexting is part of a healthy relationship, it can boost your intimacy. But if it goes awry it can have the opposite effect and spoil the mood. So here are some suggestions:

Is Sexting For You And Your Partner? Nancy'S Counseling Corner

  • Remember, photos are forever. We all know sad stories about people who send photos of their private parts and live to regret it later. This is a very personal thing, and if you’re going to do it, make sure you know your partner’s preferences. If this sort of thing is not her cup of tea, you could turn her off instead of turning her on.
  • Be aware of timing. Used sparingly, sexting can enhance the time you have together. Of course, you’re both exhausted when you get home from work and just want to veg in sweats in front of TV. But you can get your partner into the mood for sex by sending a few well-placed, well-worded messages throughout the day. It can totally change the evening scenario.
  • Use sexting as foreplay. You can get your partner ready for a great sexual encounter by sexting him with increasingly steamy texts. The most important sex organ is the brain, so take advantage of it. Start with a little flirty message and ramp it up from there. With a little practice, you can learn to increase the tension in your sexts to create a great sexual experience together when it finally happens.
  • Let your partner use his imagination. Sexting is a two-way activity. Subtlety goes a long way when your partner can use his imagination to fill in the blanks. Sometimes less is more, and all you need to do is be suggestive. Think of the movies you’ve seen or the books you’ve read that don’t reveal everything. Instead, they pique your interest. That’s what you’d like to convey in your sexts.
  • Pay attention to nuances. Your partner’s responses will guide you in how you continue the texting conversation. You need to listen and take your cues from how he responds to you. In sexting, as in person, you can always ask, “What do you like?” or “How does that make you feel?” The way your partner participates in the conversation will guide you.


Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: