How to be a gentleman

by | May 12, 2015

How To Be A Gentleman Nancy'S Counseling CornerWant to be a Gentleman? Be Considerate.

The very word ‘gentleman’ sounds like something out of the past. But it isn’t old-fashioned to be kind, thoughtful and considerate toward women. Being a gentleman is something to strive for. And the essence of being a gentleman is consideration for others—men and women alike.

Be respectful without an agenda.

Some men are only nice to people when they expect to get something in return. But that isn’t respect, that’s manipulation. A true gentleman is polite and respectful towards a woman without expecting to get her in bed. And he’s respectful to men without expecting a favor. A gentleman builds a lifelong habit of being polite to everyone because it’s the right thing to do, not because he has an ulterior motive.

Be a feminist in the best sense of the word.

Yup. This word is a hot potato, and for many people, pejorative. But feminism really isn’t a dirty word. It’s the concept that men and women should be treated fairly and equally. When you treat others as you would like to be treated yourself, regardless of gender, then you’re following the golden rule. Which, in a nutshell, is being a feminist.

Be straightforward, open and honest.

A gentleman does what he says he’ll do. He doesn’t say he’ll call to pacify a woman in the moment and then blow her off later. He doesn’t play games or manipulate or control a woman to make himself feel like more of a man. It’s a false pretense anyway. A real gentleman is comfortable enough in his own skin to behave in a straightforward manner. He doesn’t need to prop up his ego with falsehoods.

Be loyal and faithful.

For some guys, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. They can’t be counted on to stick with a relationship when times are hard. But a gentleman can be depended on for support no matter how bumpy the road gets. Because it will. And then when the good times come, a gentleman is there to share in the joy, too. He knows how to be happy and celebrate someone else’s promotion when he didn’t get one himself.

Be concerned for others.

That can mean everything from volunteering in a soup kitchen to opening the door for a person with his hands full of packages. It means not interrupting when someone is speaking. It means not texting one person while you’re out to dinner with someone else. It means saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Being courteous to men and women alike is the hallmark of a gentleman.

A true gentleman is a man of good character who is considerate of others. Being a gentleman is a worthy, if difficult, goal. And no one’s perfect. But it’s so worth the effort to try.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here:


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