Five Essentials For Being A Lady In The 21St Century Nancy'S Counseling CornerBeing a lady no longer means holding your pinky in the air or letting the man pay for dinner. It doesn’t mean waiting demurely for the male of the species to act while you maneuver behind the scenes. In today’s world, being a lady is not incompatible with being a feminist. Because a feminist wants both genders to be treated equally and fairly. And so does a lady. It’s all about being thoughtful.

Here are some tips:

1) Be fair. If you are a feminist, know that others’ choices are based upon concepts you may not know or imagine. Do not judge other’s lifestyles, lest you be judged. Put the best face on being a feminist by being inclusive with other women, and fair with other men. Remember, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be both be a fainting flower who connives to get her way and a high-powered executive who demands equality. Always chose the straightforward path.

2) Know how to treat guests. A lady is a good hostess. She makes people feel welcome and at home. She makes them comfortable enough to be themselves, whatever the circumstance. That doesn’t mean she must serve elaborate food and drink, but it does mean she should have a bar stocked with essentials and enough ingredients in her pantry to whip up a good meal. Above all, she must be thoughtful—anticipate her guests’ desires. Draw them into conversations when appropriate. Fulfill their needs if at all possible.

3) Don’t be a gold-digger. A lady sees a man for who he is, not for what’s in his wallet. If you don’t want to be objectified for your body, don’t objectify a man for his money. It’s that simple. It’s crass by either gender and behavior a lady never entertains. She’s too far above it.

4) Be generous. This does not mean you have to give all your money to charity. In fact, this is not necessarily about money at all. It’s about having a generous spirit. Be liberal with your compliments—sincere ones only, though. Be giving of yourself to others—bring a sick friend a container of soup. Help an elderly man with his computer. Try to be forgiving to someone who has done you a grievous wrong. And yes, if you have the means, give money to charities that will do good things with your donation.

5) Don’t be vulgar. There are so many opportunities to wear plunging necklines or see-through shirts—the list goes on. Being a lady doesn’t mean you can’t wear sexy clothing. It means you have a sense of occasion and do not wear the same clothes to church as you would to a nightclub. Don’t be vulgar with your language, either. Again, there’s a time and place for everything, but generally, avoid swearing. If you want to curse like a sailor, then you can’t pretend to be a lady.

Just like being a gentleman, being a lady is all about being considerate of others. When you think of the other guy first—man or woman—you are on the right road to being a lady.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: