For many people, it’s easier to love thy neighbor than thyself. It’s easier to show compassion to a friend or even a stranger than to cut yourself a little slack. If you’re someone who expects perfection from yourself, slow down. Ask yourself why you need to be perfect while you’re totally willing to let the rest of the human race…
If your parents and siblings use you to maintain their unhealthy behavior patterns, you are the family’s scapegoat, the repository of all your dysfunctional family’s problems. You’ve been the target of bullying and emotional abuse, maybe even physical abuse. And this unfair, cruel targeting has left you with a number of your own problems, like low self-esteem and depression. If…
Sure you could benefit from sitting down with a professional and talking about your life. Who wouldn’t? But you haven’t had some life altering trauma or a serious mood disorder, for example. So you’re not feeling an urgent need for therapy. It’s just that you know you might gain some clarity if you finally admitted to yourself that therapy is…
If you grew up in a household with a narcissist parent, then you learned to cope in a dysfunctional family. Your narcissist parent believed she was the automatic ruler of the household, and there could be no breaching her in any way. She was in complete control and was not to be questioned. That’s because those with narcissist personality disorder…
For some people, the word “happy” and “father” should never be in the same sentence. Except, perhaps, to say they are happy they escaped from their father. So when many people are firing up the grill to celebrate with dad, you may be relieved that you aren’t. If you were abused as a child, emotionally or physically, chances are your…
Five Reasons We Fail at Love Time was, a few generations ago, that people got married and stayed married. They were solid. Committed. They made a vow and they kept it. It seems like they knew how to love or at least stay together. And now days it seems like people break up at the drop of the hat. What’s…
To have a good, long marriage, you must fall in love many times, always with the same person. There are plenty of people who have long marriages, but they aren’t necessarily good or happy, just long. And there are plenty of people who have good marriages, but then fall out of love, like a shooting star that loses its energy.…
Last week we talked about what NOT to say—things that might make your friend feel less than comforted. For example, bromides like “Things work out for the best,” and “It’s God’s will,” could provoke a hostile response at worst or at best, may simply not be helpful. People grieve in different ways and you need to honor their sorrow. So…
What can you say when a friend loses a loved one? It’s hard, because nothing you say will bring back the person who died. You want to help but you’re tongue-tied and feel awkward. You don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing so you don’t make contact at all. And that’s too bad, because this is a time your…
Most people who get engaged think their marriage will last a lifetime, but up to 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. So there’s a disconnect. About half of them will not make it. How do you know if you’ll be among the couples with staying power? Can you survive the honeymoon? Believe it or not,…