Is Your Partner a Porn Addict?

A significant amount of online searches are porn related. One study shows it’s 13 percent of all searches, which is a lot when you think of all the conversing, shopping, information gathering, and restaurant reservations people make online. If your partner is one who...

Being Empathetic Is Good for You

“Walk a mile in his moccasins.”  When you can stand in someone else’s shoes, you can see life from his perspective; you can understand where he’s coming from; you can begin to know how he feels. When you can do that, you are empathetic—better able to connect with that...

How to Break the Cycle of People Pleasing

Last time we talked about how Jenny was eager to please in her relationship. She was so eager, that she pleased him to the point of putting her own needs on the back burner. She did whatever he wanted, including helping him restore his boat. She discovered he was...

The Lop-sided Love of People Pleasers

It’s not a bad thing to please people. To be thoughtful about other people’s feelings and needs. To be generous and kind. These are all traits we’re taught to develop from the time we’re in kindergarten. And rightfully so. But when you’re in a relationship and your...

The Healing Power of Attachment Bonds

Human beings are so needful of one another that even those who have terrible experiences with previous relationships still reach out and try to bond with someone. People who have never known a safe, loving relationship. People who have been betrayed by a loved one...

How to Kill a Relationship: Criticism

Being critical of your partner is a sure way to kill your relationship. Yet, what are you supposed to do? Smother your concerns? Not speak fully and truthfully to your partner lest your criticism damage your relationship?   Of course, it’s important to...

Dealing with Self-Deception

Last time we talked about the ego defenses people use to mitigate the anxiety we have when we are not behaving as we think we ought to. We repress things, which is an active but unconscious act of forgetting things we find less than stellar about ourselves. We employ...

Are You Deceiving Yourself?

Defense mechanisms come in handy when you’re trying to justify that you’re still a good person even though you just committed murder. Or, say, when you scolded your child out of anger when he didn’t deserve it. Or whenever you do or say something—reality—that...

How to Improve Your Happiness

The Dali Lama said the purpose of our lives is to be happy. But is it easier said than done? Surely there are circumstances into which you are born that would make you happy, like being healthy, for example. Yet, many people who have health problems manage to be happy...