Blog

We’ve talked about killer behaviors when it comes to your marriage—criticism, contempt, and defensiveness. There’s one more that is a sure sign your marriage is in trouble. Stonewalling. What is stonewalling? That’s when you shut down and withdraw from conversation or...

If your partner has admonished you for being defensive, you may have been so because you perceived you were being attacked, and you were trying to defend yourself. Being defensive is a natural response when your partner criticizes you—including when he criticizes you...

Last week we talked about how criticism can damage your marriage. But there’s something even worse than criticism. It’s contempt. When you feel contempt for your spouse, you believe he is beneath you. That he doesn’t merit being treated with respect. When you speak to...

If you want to have a miserable marriage and a probable divorce, be sure to communicate in destructive ways. There are four particular behaviors that research shows are fatal to good marriages: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Engage in any one of...

A friend says she feels like her spouse doesn’t love her. “He never tells me he loves me like he used to when we were first dating.” Her spouse, on the other hand, wonders how she can feel unloved. He tells her loves her by the things he does for her. Like he notices...

If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how destructive they can be, leaving you feel powerless and depressed with your self-esteem shattered. Still, your sense of compassion and empathy makes you wonder how the narcissist could treat you so...

If someone is treating you badly, you can just leave, right? Unless that person is your boss or your spouse or your mother or some other family member. And what if you know you’re being treated badly but keep making excuses for your abuser? Or what if you’re just used...

If your marriage is in distress, consider Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples. EFT helps couples reboot their communication patterns with their spouse by becoming more aware of their emotions and how they interact as a couple. They learn to express...

When the flight attendant tells you to put on your oxygen mask first, before helping others, you know why. You’ve got to take care of yourself or you’ll be no good to anyone else. But People Pleasers seldom put themselves first. They subjugate their own needs in an...

The Marlboro Man is a symbol of American independence—the rugged guy who doesn’t need anyone but himself. But the fact is, he needs his cigarettes, a really unhealthy habit. Smoking might even be a crutch for a guy who has to handle life alone. Very likely he’d be...